Think outside the box.

Things have been preeetty exciting around here. A few days ago, this happened:

I see you've made yourself an office. Hey, T?

Yes, Mom?

You aren't actually any of those things. Well, except the last one. (Which is just a nickname whose etymology is a little hard to explain on the Internet.)

I am the Sultan of Siam.

Oh. Well, that's true.

And then, today, Tarot's mom got some books in the mail. And then this happened:

New box. Is gud.

T, what happened to your office? Also, I don't know if you're... you know... going to fit into that box.

I has powers to fit in any box.

But it's... okay, give it a shot.

See? I fits.

Well. How 'bout that.

ham: /hæm/ - noun 1. a cut of meat from the heavy-muscled part of a hog's rear quarter, between hip and hock, usually cured.

The last time there was a post of Tarot's blog was also the last time that Tarot's mom had her roots done.

We really need to be doing better than that... about BOTH things. Tarot apologizes.

Tarot was left to his own devices this weekend while his mom and dad were busy meeting Peregrine falcons and bald eagles.

Tarot's opinion is that a "bird" "of prey" should be a contradiction in terms.

On Monday it was back to work, and at lunch, Tarot's mom left the kitchen for a split second. Upon returning, she found this:

THIS look accurately illustrates Tarot's feelings on not being allowed unfettered ham access at all times:

But of COURSE we had every intention of giving him some ham. Just... you know... not out of the package; and not the kitchen. Tarot is being raised with at least some semblance of manners. Sort of.

When he finally got some beloved ham, it was everything he dreamed it could be.

Somehow he even managed to get more of the ham than some of the humans around...

And his mom figured out how to give the vet a better look at Tarot's teeth next time:

Afterward, we tried to convince him that it's TURKEY that contains tryptophan, but to no avail. He insists that ham must have some, too...

zzzzzzzzzz

Not quite interspecies snorgling, but it's a start...

Tarot had a SERIOUSLY exciting weekend.

He was sitting, minding his own business:



When, suddenly... a noise!

He was momentarily roused from lovin' on Cheeba II to find...

PRINCESS NALA! the Maltese-Papillon mix!

"le ruff ruff."

At first, Tarot didn't know quite what to make of this development...

"Should I hiss or scratch or bite?"

"None of the above, Tarot."

Surprisingly, they got on SO well that they had dinner together...

... Albeit on different ends of the kitchen.

"Dog thing is over there getting too close to my foods."

Tarot even let Nala relax on his favorite couch...

... Albeit begrudgingly. [Please see: Death Lasers]

Welcome to the neighborhood, Princess Nala! Just don't get too near Cheeba II.

More Fun with Food

Tarot's culinary adventures continued this week. He got things off to a start with some tried and true tastes: chips and turkey.



He didn't receive quite enough turkey for his tastes, but it wasn't for lack of trying. His mom can show you a few colorful and suspicious-looking cuts on her forearms to prove this.

But Tarot recently discovered a new love which pretty effectively rivals his devotion to turkey. That love? You'd think he would have discovered it sooner, because it is none other than:


Tarot is truly and undeniably obsessed with milk. He's always had a thing for yogurt, but in Tarot's house, milk consumption has, until lately, been embarrassingly low. Only with a recent drive to up the balanced breakfast eating chez Tarot has there really been what Tarot considers a windfall of milk.

Unfortunately for Tarot, his mom knows a fair amount about nutrition, so she won't let him have TOO much milk since it does have a fair amount of magnesium for a little kitty. Tarot would like to go on record protesting this restriction, since he's never had any urinary problems.

Still, Tarot's mom is sticking to her guns. Only a little milk.


He'll get over it as soon as you bring him some turkey.

Frank Bruni, Ya Got Nuthin.

Tarot would like to apologize for his long absence. As you're about to see, he's decided that instead of Fashion Design for Cats, maybe his talents run more toward being a Food Critic. Here are some culinary and related adventures Tarot's been up to in the last month.

He attended a lunch meeting at which some Potato Chips were present, in addition to the always-adored turkey.



The chips were a big hit, but the general consensus was that they didn't taste quite enough like turkey. Or ham. Or roast beef.

Tarot was, of course, conscientious of wiping his muzzle off to remove any chip crumbs or grease, since he is a proper gentleman.

He sampled some corn bread from the local BBQ joint.*

(Not pictured: Corn bread. Corn bread was eaten by this point. The crumbs were good, though, Tarot decided.)

*Tarot joins his Mommy in the belief that No Northerner Anywhere knows how to properly cook barbecue.

On Easter, Tarot sampled some Cornish Hen. He was underwhelmed. It was definitely NOT turkey. But, eh, it was close enough.

*nom nom nom*

But Tarot's favorite taste-related discovery, by far, was that of LIVE CATNIP.

Tarot has named his new friend "Cheeba," and is petitioning High Times for a regular column on this wonderful plant. Peace, Bra.

Tarot would like to give a special shout-out to Dr. G, who gave T some yummy antibiotics and hydration shots when he couldn't stop puking the other weekend. This allowed Tarot to get back to eating as much as possible as quickly as possible. Thanks, Dr. G! ... And sorry about all the hissing and swatting. And about almost de-eyeing that one dog in the waiting room.

So, Tarot knows that it's been a while since he posted anything. He's been busy.

He's been napping.

He's also been eating, pooping, running around and sliding into things, etc.

Shockingly, he's also been working.

I r serious cat. This r serious bizness.

Tarot is starting a business. He's following in his dad's footsteps and becoming an entrepreneur. He wasn't sure exactly what to do as a new professional. Can eating? Self-bathing tutorials? Lobbying for Thai interests in Washington?

So, Tarot consulted with some good friends.









And now he's pretty sure he has this whole "career" thing figured out.

My presentation skillz. Let me show you them.

He's going to open a babysitting service.

For birds.

No effing way, dude.

Tarot is very much hoping that his first clients will be his mom's parents who take care of the above-pictured cockatiel, Baby.

Among the guarantees that you get with Tarot's birdsitting service:

1. 2% success rate in terms of alive-ness of your bird when you return home.

2. In the event of the 98% chance that your bird is not alive when you return home, Tarot promises that his mom and dad will pay to replace said bird.

3. Your bird will get lots of exercise as it flies around, while Tarot shows off his mad cool jumping-up-real-high-on-inconvenient-things-like-refrigerators skillz.

Dis my serious face. I r good babysitter.

Well, Tarot doesn't know about his mom's parents, or you, but it seems that Baby remains unconvinced that he needs a babysitter.

Stayin' in mah cage.

Tarot will work on his sales pitch.

Ah, Young Love

Tarot has a girlfriend. Well, really, she's more of a celebrity crush.

She's my girlfriend.

Whatever you say, Tarot. Anyway, this is Cappuccino:

Chino for short.

She appeared on CuteOverload a couple of days ago, and Tarot was instantly smitten. Tarot requested that we put together a photo essay explaining why Chino should say "yes" when Tarot asks her out. When I pointed out that it would be pointless for Tarot to have a girlfriend, since he has no sex hormones anymore and doesn't really like other cats, this was his response:

Deceptively small yet deep laceration.

So we put together a photo essay for Chino listing just a few of Tarot's good qualities.

1. He's clean, and flexible, two qualities which complement each other nicely.

hygenic cat is cleaning himselfs.

2. He has Batman ears, so dogs are naturally afraid of him.

dun na nana dun na nana BAT CAT

3. He has impeccable fashion sense (seen here in his Ecuadoran alpaca scarf/pjs)

4. He's sweet to his mom, which is always a good sign.

purrrrrrr

5. He is emotionally accessible (demonstarted here by the shadow. emo.)

6. Finally, he's devastatingly good looking.

meaningful glance cat iz sexxy

While he awaits Chino's response, Tarot's going to cuddle up next to the nearest warm body, in this case, Karl Mouserfeld.

Oof, dahling.